In this edition of Sequoia Notes I focus on describing the clutter traps I have found we all fall into. I have always been an observer of people. Over the many years of working with people I have identified 5 traps people fall into. Do any of these sound familiar?
Being Everything to Everybody
Finding yourself running around trying to please everyone. We are so busy being the best Mom, Daughter, Sister, Brother, Father, Son, friend and employee that the reality of all that we do is beyond our field of vision. Being everything to everybody creates a constant busyness that never ends. Usually accompanied with a feeling of being rushed and wishing there were more hours in the day. The endless running around creates to do lists a mile long. Our mind is constantly running through them trying to keep everything in order. Physically things start piling up around us, reminding us what needs to be done.
Thinking "I'll be happy when..."
This trap dealing with our wishing things were different. When we are always waiting for now to be over so we can get to tomorrow we never feel that sense of accomplishment. We are so focused on what we are waiting for that we end up missing what's infront of us. And funny enough even though we are focused on tomorrow, the items we put off never get done either.
Running Other People's Business
When we find ourshelves in the middle of drama whether it's family, friends or co-workers. We can get caught up in the role we play. Running other people's business happens when the role takes over. The people around us comes to us for advice, a sounding board. The problem lies when we become the counseller running from patient to patient. Ours days are filled up with everyone else's business while ours is left unattended including physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Instant Gratification
This trap could also be called "high expectations." We have become an instant gratification society. We want quick fixes that are easy and we expect them to end all of our problems. When our expectations are not met our anxiety, frustration and stress elevate, the quick fix did not work. We buy all the newest gadgets piling up our homes with stuff we will not use and hinge all our hopes and dreams on the newest thing. The ride is like that of a yo-yo. Our emotional, spiritual and physical states are constantly rising and crashing. The strain is exhausting.
Short Attention Spans
There are those of us that have lots of great ideas but never enough time to get them all done. You might find yourself jumping from project to project never finishing one. In today's society we might call that 'Attention deficit' but I prefer to use the word creative. We buy all the supplies necessary to complete our projects but never get to them. They pile up reminding us of our old creative projects and things left undone.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Monday, March 2, 2009
Secret 8: Selecting Empowering Partnerships and Alliances
To date I have never had any partnerships or alliances although as I am writing this I am changing the context and coming up with a different answer.
In my past I have always worked in corporate america and my father always told me 'to hire a good boss'. I have since discovered it is not possible. But if I adapt this chapter to apply of my past I have had partnerships and alliances with my previous bosses. And most have not been good. So far I have discovered I give my power away in these situations which always ends bad.
Now I focus on relationships that enrich both sides, and don't have any second questioning involved. Although this seems to be a hard lesson for me to learn as I removed myself out of a bad situation this past October 08. I had to be talked into the offer and grieved what I was perceiving as lossing. All seemed fine on the surface but underneath were hidden issues either of us expected. When it finally came to blows the issues had piled up so high that I couldn't tell you what happened, I just didn't know. Now looking back I didn't get what I was doing and could not communicate what I needed effectively. I was resenting my bosses attitude and diva ways, not feeling part of a team and when the time came I was thrown under the bus. It has been a hard lesson and I am still looking for the grace of it. Any Suggestions?
I am going to set aside the collaboration profile used in the book and apply it situations arise.
Namaste!
In my past I have always worked in corporate america and my father always told me 'to hire a good boss'. I have since discovered it is not possible. But if I adapt this chapter to apply of my past I have had partnerships and alliances with my previous bosses. And most have not been good. So far I have discovered I give my power away in these situations which always ends bad.
Now I focus on relationships that enrich both sides, and don't have any second questioning involved. Although this seems to be a hard lesson for me to learn as I removed myself out of a bad situation this past October 08. I had to be talked into the offer and grieved what I was perceiving as lossing. All seemed fine on the surface but underneath were hidden issues either of us expected. When it finally came to blows the issues had piled up so high that I couldn't tell you what happened, I just didn't know. Now looking back I didn't get what I was doing and could not communicate what I needed effectively. I was resenting my bosses attitude and diva ways, not feeling part of a team and when the time came I was thrown under the bus. It has been a hard lesson and I am still looking for the grace of it. Any Suggestions?
I am going to set aside the collaboration profile used in the book and apply it situations arise.
Namaste!
Secret 7: Consulting with Guides
From what I can remember both of my parents were never very create. I don't remember either of them having any hobbies of any sort. My father was always the most supportive, he use to say it was because I could do what he couldn't.
The only I remember being forced to take was piano lessons, and how I hated them. Although years later I learned to play the viola and the sax by my own decision. I can remember always drawing or colouring while I was watching television, I was always doing more than one thing.
The influential people in my life have always seemed to guide me in different directions, whether that was there intent or mine, I am not sure. I can remember a swimming instructor who said I swam like a dolphin, and so to this day I have a fasination with dolphins and collect everyone I can find inlcuding tatoos and jewellery.
I can remember a teacher telling me she never wanted to see me anorexic, so I ensured that would never happen and gained weight over and over. To the point I cannot remember a time when I wasn't on a diet and I have since joined weight watchers, reaching my goal and now work for the company helping others.
I can remember people telling me, they would never worry about me, because I have a good head on my shoulders, or I would go far. All encouraging words but they forget to give me the directions that went with them.
As I grow older I am more focused on searching for guides in specific areas, and am very careful to stay away from those who do not believe.
The only I remember being forced to take was piano lessons, and how I hated them. Although years later I learned to play the viola and the sax by my own decision. I can remember always drawing or colouring while I was watching television, I was always doing more than one thing.
The influential people in my life have always seemed to guide me in different directions, whether that was there intent or mine, I am not sure. I can remember a swimming instructor who said I swam like a dolphin, and so to this day I have a fasination with dolphins and collect everyone I can find inlcuding tatoos and jewellery.
I can remember a teacher telling me she never wanted to see me anorexic, so I ensured that would never happen and gained weight over and over. To the point I cannot remember a time when I wasn't on a diet and I have since joined weight watchers, reaching my goal and now work for the company helping others.
I can remember people telling me, they would never worry about me, because I have a good head on my shoulders, or I would go far. All encouraging words but they forget to give me the directions that went with them.
As I grow older I am more focused on searching for guides in specific areas, and am very careful to stay away from those who do not believe.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Secret 6: Conquering Saboteurs
I have so many personal saboteurs, there is an arm marching around in my head. Currently the voices are not clear so it is difficult for me to name them. But when a messages comes across clearly I will know to stop, deside if it is true or not, and move on. I have very tricky gremlins! They have to be to keep up with me.
I have been told recently that I need to be dealing with emotional stuff. In other words, its time to heal old wounds. This is a slow process for me and not one I am looking forward to, at least for the moment. I am currently reading Loving What is, to help.
I am currently stuck on "I can't be successful and creative". Not sure where this came from. Do I believe this? I want to say no, but reality says yes. I feel like I need to redefine my definition of success and creative. Definition under review!
So this is where I am. Deep in the discovering of old wounds and healing. Dealing with the unfelt feelings and discovering the messages that lie within.
I have been told recently that I need to be dealing with emotional stuff. In other words, its time to heal old wounds. This is a slow process for me and not one I am looking forward to, at least for the moment. I am currently reading Loving What is, to help.
I am currently stuck on "I can't be successful and creative". Not sure where this came from. Do I believe this? I want to say no, but reality says yes. I feel like I need to redefine my definition of success and creative. Definition under review!
So this is where I am. Deep in the discovering of old wounds and healing. Dealing with the unfelt feelings and discovering the messages that lie within.
Secret 5: Committing to Self Focus
The beginning of this chapter talks of the messages we picked up as children. But don't we all in some way have issues with our first family? We deal with them as they show up, but like an onion there are many layers.
My mother has designated herself the person who keeps our family together. I have never seen her do anything for her. I don't know what her interests are and I don't think she knows either.
In disabiling distractions, it talks about whether we sabotage ourselves. And the answer is yes, still investigating how, but I do know the answer lies within me. The same steps apply. Get off my back and out of my way.
If we think back, we are never really alone. To live our lives it takes a team to help us along. The people in our lives help us in many different ways and we turn to them for help. Finding the people in our lives to help us discovering our creative side can be difficult. That is why I have turned to you.
Thank you!
My mother has designated herself the person who keeps our family together. I have never seen her do anything for her. I don't know what her interests are and I don't think she knows either.
In disabiling distractions, it talks about whether we sabotage ourselves. And the answer is yes, still investigating how, but I do know the answer lies within me. The same steps apply. Get off my back and out of my way.
If we think back, we are never really alone. To live our lives it takes a team to help us along. The people in our lives help us in many different ways and we turn to them for help. Finding the people in our lives to help us discovering our creative side can be difficult. That is why I have turned to you.
Thank you!
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Secret 4: Surrendering to Creative Cycles
Truth be told, I have been delaying reading the book as I was feeling like I just did not measure up with the others involved in this process. But things have happened, my perspective has changed and as this chapter will tell you, it is what I needed all along.
Within this chapter I wrote out pieces of info that I needed to remember such as for 'Surviving Skills in the Void' I wrote, "be willing to let go","staying in the dark long enough", "nurturing your visions and dreams", "following the clues as they present themselves", "remaining true to yourself", "having the belief that something will appear". Right now I feel like I am drowning in the void and these are the steps I need to follow to find my way out. Mainly, getting off my back and going with the flow. Its a lesson I seem to not get easily, but keeps coming back.
It also talks about staying in situations that compromises our self worth but also our creative ability. I left a bad situation in November and it's affects are still lingering. It's time I do some emotional decluttering of my own. (I help my clients with this both physically and emotionally).
When it comes to dealing with the void, I do not deal well. I feel stuck most of the time right now and feel like I don't know how to get myself out, I would not know where to start. But if I think back I have seen the creative cycles, my career to date is a testiment to that. I have changed my career path from Accounting to Interior Design, to Inventory Control and then back to Interior Decorating and Life Coaching. My creative bug hits and I take courses that fill the need, and then it wavers and I go back to my logical side and do something else. I am always clashing between the creative side and my logical/analytical side. I am now looking for a way to merge them together, in whatever form that may take.
Words I need to listen to are "When things aren't working, we need to pay attention to the underlying message we may be missing". And "surrending to our challenges instead of denying them or struggling with them spells victory for our creative transforming self." I am in this process as we speak, I would welcome any suggestions on how to move forward within it.
The last part of this chapter talks of fueling our cycles. Right now I can't answer this question. I am trying different things that interest me, being creative when the moment hits and going from there. I do like the idea of making a list of everything that attracts you to it and why. Something I will start.
Within this chapter I wrote out pieces of info that I needed to remember such as for 'Surviving Skills in the Void' I wrote, "be willing to let go","staying in the dark long enough", "nurturing your visions and dreams", "following the clues as they present themselves", "remaining true to yourself", "having the belief that something will appear". Right now I feel like I am drowning in the void and these are the steps I need to follow to find my way out. Mainly, getting off my back and going with the flow. Its a lesson I seem to not get easily, but keeps coming back.
It also talks about staying in situations that compromises our self worth but also our creative ability. I left a bad situation in November and it's affects are still lingering. It's time I do some emotional decluttering of my own. (I help my clients with this both physically and emotionally).
When it comes to dealing with the void, I do not deal well. I feel stuck most of the time right now and feel like I don't know how to get myself out, I would not know where to start. But if I think back I have seen the creative cycles, my career to date is a testiment to that. I have changed my career path from Accounting to Interior Design, to Inventory Control and then back to Interior Decorating and Life Coaching. My creative bug hits and I take courses that fill the need, and then it wavers and I go back to my logical side and do something else. I am always clashing between the creative side and my logical/analytical side. I am now looking for a way to merge them together, in whatever form that may take.
Words I need to listen to are "When things aren't working, we need to pay attention to the underlying message we may be missing". And "surrending to our challenges instead of denying them or struggling with them spells victory for our creative transforming self." I am in this process as we speak, I would welcome any suggestions on how to move forward within it.
The last part of this chapter talks of fueling our cycles. Right now I can't answer this question. I am trying different things that interest me, being creative when the moment hits and going from there. I do like the idea of making a list of everything that attracts you to it and why. Something I will start.
Monday, January 26, 2009
3rd Secret: Following Your Fascinations
Before I started this weeks blog post I went back and read all the previous comments you have written to me. I first want to say thank you for your thoughts and ideas. I cannot tell you how much they mean to me. Namaste!
In this weeks chapter we are challenged to take risks, review our past risks and define what we need to move forward. I would call myself a planned risk taker as I only make moves I can predict which by definition is not a real risk.
The risks I have made in my career seem small now compared to the risk I made to change where I live. In my previous careers it was calculated, there was a measure of risk but I still had control. But when my husband and I quit our jobs, sold our home and moved to the country with no jobs to go to, that was a risk. I am still deciding if it has paid off.
Maybe because all my previous risks have been calculated, I don't really know what risks are. How to decide one worth taking versus not. I feel like I have risked my comfort and my security, and still waiting for the pay off. Or is that my problem?
I would not call myself in touch with myself right now. But at least I listened this week. On Friday I decided I was going to do something 'crafty'. I had a project I had been wanting to do for some time but could never find the time. I made the time. And I lost myself in it. Giving myself permission to create was key, I need to do that more often. As usual I need to get off my back and just be.
The limited thinking that holds me back is not about looking foolish but thinking I should be doing something productive. Whatever that means. There is a quote of the movie Bed of Roses that is screaming in my head "contributing to the Gross National Product". I feel like if I am not producing to increase the bottom line (for who I don't know) than my time is wasted. Not sure where I picked this one up but any suggestions on new perspectives would be appreciated.
In this weeks chapter we are challenged to take risks, review our past risks and define what we need to move forward. I would call myself a planned risk taker as I only make moves I can predict which by definition is not a real risk.
The risks I have made in my career seem small now compared to the risk I made to change where I live. In my previous careers it was calculated, there was a measure of risk but I still had control. But when my husband and I quit our jobs, sold our home and moved to the country with no jobs to go to, that was a risk. I am still deciding if it has paid off.
Maybe because all my previous risks have been calculated, I don't really know what risks are. How to decide one worth taking versus not. I feel like I have risked my comfort and my security, and still waiting for the pay off. Or is that my problem?
I would not call myself in touch with myself right now. But at least I listened this week. On Friday I decided I was going to do something 'crafty'. I had a project I had been wanting to do for some time but could never find the time. I made the time. And I lost myself in it. Giving myself permission to create was key, I need to do that more often. As usual I need to get off my back and just be.
The limited thinking that holds me back is not about looking foolish but thinking I should be doing something productive. Whatever that means. There is a quote of the movie Bed of Roses that is screaming in my head "contributing to the Gross National Product". I feel like if I am not producing to increase the bottom line (for who I don't know) than my time is wasted. Not sure where I picked this one up but any suggestions on new perspectives would be appreciated.
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